Fool for Love

It's amazing how alcohol can bring you to revelations. Well, technically this wasn't a revelation. A revelation requires me not to know this beforehand. I guess it finally hit me.

Only a handful of women have ever gotten me to feel like I have. Each and everytime I can't seem to do anything about it. Every possible relationship I have ever wanted, it's so obvious that they will never happen. Those that might, will never work or drive me to slash my wrists. And that was the best case scenario.

I'm a fool for love.

I want to be complete. Somehow complete just doesn't seem possible by myself.

This is the sad truth. I'm not the kind of guy that people will run to. No matter what I do I can never be that guy. Even if I was that kind of person, it's not as if I choose the women that I dall head over heels for. But I know for sure one thing. The kind of person I am, I appreciate the smaller things in my life. But frankly, this also means that I stand to lose more.

I've given up. No, not given up, giving up means I must have something worthwhile to give up in the first place. I've accepted it. I'm ready to start living. I can't be something that I'm not. I am a slave to my heart and a victim to my emotions.

A person asked me once, if I believed in love. I can't remember the answer I gave but I believe in love. Love is a sad and twisted chemical reaction within you that makes you do stupid things for others. In my case, it makes me do anything for them. I'd die for them, live for them, this especially since I can never live with them. So yes, I believe in love.

Sounds gloomy, but that's life. Life isn't a song and if it was it sure as hell isn't a sing-a-long.

I know that now. And I will continue being so until further notice. It's my nature. Not really my personal choice of lifestyle and can't really be changed.

I'm love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.